I don’t wanna be the weak one, the one who gives in. I don’t want to be rejected. I don’t want to put my heart out there and then have it drop to the pits of my stomach all over again. I’d like to believe if I asked you’d say yes, but I don’t. I know you’re not ready, I know that when you are you will ask me to be yours “officially”. I feel so pathetic…so impatient. Like every day that passes is a month.
Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one, other times I doubt it. I wanna trust you, I wanna be yours and give the best of me to you. My worst fear is someone else getting to that place in your heart where I belong. I’ve been trying so hard, doing anything I can think of to prove to you that:
I keep feeling you get so close, then kinda back off. I might be going insane…:(. I try not to text you unless you text me, I try not to cross the line, I try not to push you. I don’t want you to be “in a relationship” when you don’t want to be, or when you aren’t ready. Then the selfish side of me is screaming “I just want you all to myself, I don’t want there to be a chance for anyone to step in”.
I know that I wouldn’t dare tell you this, I don’t wanna start a fight about how I can’t handle this, how I’m just like the rest. Because I’m not. I just have my weak days, days where I think this may never happen. Days where I feel like all my effort is going nowhere, days where I’d give anything just to kiss you. There are days where I feel if I asked you to be my “boyfriend” finally you’d say yes, but then if something went wrong I know all I would hear is “you asked before I was ready” or something along those lines.
So I’ll wait until you ask, until you know 100% that you are ready to go wherever life might take us. Even though sometimes it’s hard for me and I have weak days like this, I know in the end I would wait forever.
